Torah, the World & Me
Just as the Torah is a moshol to each and every one of us (as I wrote today), perhaps everything that has happened—and is happening—in the world is precisely what each person is meant to experience within his own personal world. This does not refer to things a person never saw or knew about, but rather to everything he knows about the past and present. Even events such as the Holocaust in the past, or the news of the present—such as the ongoing wars in Israel with its enemies—may all be reflections of what is taking place within each and every one of us. The world at large may simply be a reflection of a person's own inner world.
For more than 47 years, Iran has been dragging the world into chaos. And for more than 47 years, the Yetzer Hara has been wreaking havoc within me. The recent wars with Iran are a reflection of my own efforts to destroy the Yetzer Hara. But every time I think I have made some progress, the Yetzer Hara strengthens himself once again and laughs at me. Like Trump, I am convinced that the Yetzer Hara has been hit hard enough and should be ready to make a deal and surrender, yet he continues to taunt me.
Today is Erev Rosh Chodesh Tamuz, a time of teshuvah and reckoning. Trump is convinced that today he will sign a memorandum of understanding with Iran for a sixty-day ceasefire, during which all outstanding issues will be discussed. We all know that Iran is bluffing and will never surrender its nuclear ambitions or enriched uranium unless it is beaten into submission. That is the nature of evil. And although they have been struck hard and claim to be willing to sign a deal, it is far, very far from over.
In my own case as well, the Yetzer Hara pretends that he wants to sign some sort of memorandum of understanding. Hashem has already pushed me away so many times because of the Yetzer Hara's stubbornness and refusal to surrender. But I know that at some point Hashem will bring me close. He will not allow our enemies to prevail.
I am mekabel upon myself, bli neder, for the next sixty days—from now until Rosh Chodesh Elul—the following three commitments, which I must work on and can no longer continue postponing or treating lightly.
If I intentionally violate any one of these three kabalos during the coming sixty days while consciously remembering the kabbalah, I will give 100 NIS to the next person in shul who asks for tzedakah after davening, provided I have cash or a credit card available.
Shmiras Einayim: I will not take a second look at anything in the street, on the computer, or on my phone that I should not be looking at.
Time Wasting: I will not spend more than half an hour at a time looking through statuses or the news, and no more than twice a day. When relaxing in bed with my phone, I will set a timer to remind myself to stop.
Eating: I will not eat more than one mouthful of junk food every two hours, and no more than two mouthfuls on Shabbos. Junk food includes cakes, pastries, cookies, ice cream, candy, chocolate, and the like. If there are multiple types of junk food available, I may have one mouthful (or two on Shabbos) of each type.
Hashem, please help me succeed so that I may become a kli for Your light and be mamlich You in the world. And please, in the zechus of these three kabalos, help Your people prevail over Iran, Hizballah, and those who pursue the frum community in Eretz Yisrael.
This world may simply be a reflection of my inner battles. Who knows whether every person does not experience a different world? And come to think of it, who knows whether there is even anyone else? Perhaps I am the entirety of Creation, and everyone else exists only within my experience. And even if one does not go that far, it may be that the נברא is truly one, just as Hashem is One, and that I am merely a branch of the totality of the נברא.
Perhaps one day I will see that I was everyone and everything. We are all one. Everything is one. We are merely branches expressing a myriad of experiences and forms of the same נברא.
Thus, man, the Torah, and the world at large are all taking place within my consciousness—the consciousness of the נברא. For without the נברא, without consciousness, nothing exists: not the Torah and not the world.